Hands down this is the most asked question that home schooling families get, "How will they socialize?" and it used to have me questioning if I was really making the right decision. Would I be taking my kids away from the opportunity of learning normal social interactions? Would they be able to make friends? Where would they make friends? Would it just be after school clubs? Would we have to spend our weekends as a taxi service to make sure they got the social time they needed with their peers?
Now that I've been in the home schooling world for nearly a year I can tell you those fears were all a load of rubbish that my anxiety (and society) put on me for no good reason at all. In fact I would go as far as to say that my kids get MORE social interaction than children in conventional schooling systems (controversial I know).
We get them involved with conversations at home, eating together every night we can to create talking opportunities. We involve them in multi generational talks, no sending them to a kids table or off to play when we have grandparents or our friends over. We encourage them to ask questions at the shops and have taught Calliope how to pay for her own things and hold a conversation. At doctors appointments, dentists, libraries, play parks, in queues or even just striking up a conversation with someone whilst we're on a walk there are ALWAYS opportunities for natural socialization to happen in everyday life, it's not confined to the class room or a specific age range.
We DO however make a conscious effort to create socialization opportunities for the children, with other children. It's important for them to make friends that they can see regularly and create deeper bonds with. People that they are excited to see, can invite to birthday parties or to the park for a play date, people they can blow off steam with who are having a similar experience to them. It's also important to me (so I get a break from being to go to playmate!) knowing that they have these people they can rely on.
Here are a few of the ways we find these people and create these opportunities
Home Schooling co-ops.
Home school co-ops are groups run by parents in a cooperative manner. Each parent will be expected to contribute in some way either by leading the session, bringing materials, organizing snacks or planning the sessions. We are part of 2 co-ops, one in an outdoor setting and one indoors. These are the places my kids get the most "traditional" socialization. At our indoor group there are often presentations where all the children sit and listen, ask questions and then have to work with the person next to them. There are also sections where they go off in teams or groups to work together to solve a problem or create something. This only accounts for around 1/2-3/4 of the session time, the rest is spent just playing with their friends!
Our outdoor group is quite different. A very small amount of time is spent sitting together and listening before the children go off in their friendship groups to either complete a task or socialize (think when you're given a sheet and told to work in pairs in the play ground, but in the woods!). The majority of this session is spent just socializing, especially for the younger children when their best learning comes through play!
These co-ops are almost as important to me as a parent as it is for my children, Finding your homeschooling "tribe", the ones who have similar views towards education as you, who follow similar structures as you and the ones who you know you can talk to about curriculum ideas or worries without judgement. I was very lucky in the first group we tried I gelled with them straight away, but others weren't so successful.
Try a few different groups to see what feels right to you. Maybe you think you want to be outdoors but actually the indoor lego groups work best for you. Or you might want to join a drama group only to discover you and the kids have more in common with the BMX club! No one will be offended if you move away from something you were invited to so take your time to find the best fit.
These co-ops give us about 7 hours every week where the kids get to play and interact with children their own age just at these sessions (to put it in perspective play times at most school are around 5 hours per week and that often includes eating lunch!)
Sports Groups
I think this is one almost all parents can relate to. When you home school there are an abundance of sports clubs available to you but more likely than not you'll end up at after school clubs! Currently we only have sports clubs twice a week (Ballet for Calliope and Gymnastics for both). Calliope has made lots of friends at Ballet and at Gymnastics. It also gives them an opportunity to learn to follow instructions from someone other than myself or their dad as well as letting them have some independence from us in that hour with their peers.
Play park friends
Not all children will be naturally inclined to make friends where ever they go, but lots will! Calliope is 100% a social butterfly and has no fear when faced with new children at the park, Lauchlan however is a little more timid and needs to get to know people before inviting them into his games.
Setting regular times/days that you go to the park can help to build relationships (Bluey, Dad's Cafe springs to mind). By doing this you're more likely to bump into the same people and can begin to build those bonds.
Calliope didn't used to be like this. In fact if I ever suggested she go and play with someone she would cling onto me and tell me she was too shy. So to help I would play the games until eventually other kids joined in and I could slowly walk away to a quiet bench for a rest.
STORY TIME! After talking to one of the mums at our outdoors co-op sometimes the best thing to do with reluctant socializers is to give them a nudge in the right direction! Her girls liked to stick to themselves, didn't want to play with anyone outside of their family and were perfectly happy that way. Everyone was telling her that they would learn eventually and branch out into other people. She let this go on for YEARS until finally she had had enough and told them that today you HAVE to play with someone else if they want to join your game, you can't just turn them away. Low and behold by the end of the group all 3 girls were running around with a massive gang of friends and didn't want to leave when it was time to say goodbye!
My point is that sometimes gentle (or firm) encouragement for your children to be brave and try to make new friends, even if they are usually shy, can be a good thing.
Virtual lessons
This might not form long term bonds or friendships but hey! I met my husband and some of my best friends online so you never know!
We use Plassroom primarily for our virtual sessions, a mixture of 1:1 and small mixed classes where the children can see and interact with each other. There are also lots of tuition hubs that use methods like this.
We also love The £2 tuition hub on Facebook that has a great variety of lessons available for £2 per session. These do need more preparation for than plassroom though and some people get frustrated at links to catch up sessions being posted in a timely manner.
Those are 4 of our biggest peer socialization activities we give to the kids during our homeschooling week
A few things to consider:
Sibling friendships:
Growing up I was an only child for many years and SO wished I had a sibling to be my friend. When one finally came along I was 7 and living in different homes we rarely saw each other. If your children have siblings (like Calliope and Lauchlan are) they already will be having a lot of their social needs met! However it's so important for them to each create bonds with other people. Don't force them to be friends with their siblings friends and don't assume that they don't want to meet others just because they have each other.
Cousins: James and I are the first in the family to have children which means that Calliope and Lauchlan are the only grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Growing up I had an abundance of cousins that I considered my first real friends, even though we didn't get to see each other often. If your children have cousins (and you are on good terms/physically close enough) then they can also be a great source of friendship for you kids.
All kids social needs are different
It's very important to have an understanding of your children's social needs. Some kids will be more introverted than others which is completely normal and those kids shouldn't be forced into extroverted situations (avoid hands on clubs and stick to gentler co-ops).
It can be tricky however when we have an extroverted child and as the parent you are introverted. You need to be keenly aware of if your child's filling their social cup and this can mean having to occasionally draining your own. If this is the case then drop off groups and sports clubs are a great option to ensure you aren't burning out whilst they're getting everything they need.
At the end of the day we all socialize every single day, whether we realize it or not and unless we make an active effort NOT to include our children in society, they're going to turn out just fine.
If you've been considering homeschooling, is socialization something that worries you? Do you think those worries are coming from your own experiences or from outside sources?
Let me know in the comments and we can talk it through together
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