The thought of leaving our children for is a daunting one. Whether it's your first time leaving them overnight with your partner, the first time with people outside of your home or the 100th time. The "what ifs" won't ever go away so accept that they will be with you on this journey right now! Some things can be controlled and here are my best tips for preparing yourself and your children for a night away from home.
*There will be reminders of your kids EVERYWHERE.
1. Choose the right people
Right from the start this is the biggest challenge. WHO should my kids stay with? Who do I trust the most? Who will be the right fit for the kids? There's a possibility you have grandparents, aunts and uncles all climbing over each other to be the first in line but maybe they aren't the right fit for this situation and it can be a difficult thing to have to tell them or to have to decide between which set (Calliope and Lauchlan are incredibly lucky to have 4 sets of grandparents, luckily only 2 sets are in the UK which narrowed it down for us).
When choosing think about who will be the most equipped to handle your children at this age. I don't mean who loves them most or who will be the most fun but who can REALLY handle their needs, the supervision required, who's easy to get hold of in an emergency and is always thinking one step ahead. When you visit them do you feel fully comfortable to let them take charge of the children. Or are you hovering around because you know that they don't actually have both eyes on the kids?
This is one of the hardest steps to take as it can feel like you're insulting whoever you don't pick but remember this isn't about them, it's about your and your family feeling as safe and secure as possible.
If anyone tries to make it about them, it's confirmation that they aren't the right person.
2. Choose the right time
This might not always be possible, emergencies happen, maybe you can't change the date that you need to be away. If you DO have control over when the night away happens make sure you choose the best time possible!
Check if the children have anything big happening in their lives (birthdays, school plays, sports games, something they're feeling anxious about). If they do then now probably isn't the best time to go. It'll only cause more anxiety for everyone involved and lead to YOU not enjoying this time away that you deserve.
Check if YOU have anything in the lead up that YOU'RE going to be stressing about (deadlines, household projects, party planning, medical issues). Whilst a break might feel like it could alleviate some of the strain, if it's something you'll be thinking about the entire time away then it won't truly be a break.
Find a date where you have no major events scheduled and then plan some major relaxing instead!
3. Over prepare
Mentally and physically!
Physically: You can never prepare enough for that first night away, just like packing a hospital bag, you won't know what you don't need until you've done it! So pack EVERYTHING and make lists!
Now that we have done it once I know that I need to make a list of our nighttime and wake up routine. Curtains drawn, TURN ON THE NIGHT LIGHT (do the people looking after the kids have a night light is an important question that I forgot to ask last time and ended up with lots of tears *face palm*), how many stories do you read, do they have a drink in bed or before, is there a blanket or a teddy they just can't sleep without, favourite PJ's, toothbrush and paste. When do they wake up usually and when they wake up do they get screentime or a book they always read? Favourite breakfast, getting ready do they dress themselves (If they don't get to dress themselves will it cause a meltdown?). If they're a creature of habit it's worth making a list and giving it to the person looking after them in advance so everyone is prepared.
Mentally: Remind your children that they are going to spend the night with X person and have lots of fun. If you know what activities the person looking after them has planned then encourage them to talk about this, how fun it will be, what are they looking forward to most, what kind of foods do you think you might eat, etc. Remind them gently that you won't be there but how excited you are to hear all about it when you see each other again! This bit is really important, a reminder that you WILL come back to them to give them security.
*Special doll, book and blanket
4. You deserve this
You do. No, really, you do. The guilty feeling is normal and it means that you care deeply about those children but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't care deeply about yourself too.
Remember that you can't pour from an empty cup so grab this opportunity to fill your own
TO THE BRIM whilst you can.
Enjoy yourself! You don't know when you'll get this time again
*Happy and refreshed parents!
Comments